People-pleasing was my way of life...
Very early on I felt distinctly out of place in life. I felt I didn't belong, that I was an "outsider" and that I was left out of life and happiness. I struggled to understand why others would criticize, mock or attack me for my differences, especially throughout school and college.
At home I felt empty and numb. My step-mother and father routinely praised my achievements, but failed to connect, appreciate or value who I was. I often felt confused about what my value and worth was. It seemed to me that people liked me for what I did, but not who I was.
This dearth of emotional connection was compounded by the death of my mother in 1989. I was ten at the time.
I began to experience my first serious sense of anxiety and panic around the age of 12. I was finding that my thinking, my points of view, and my emotions didn't conform or fit the expectations of the religious system I was a member of, nor of my parents.
I quickly found myself trying to control how other's perceived me. I jumped neck deep into being whatever they wanted me to be. By the time I graduated high school, I was an empty shell of a person. I simply followed the expectations of others and ignored and stuffed my own feelings, complaints and desires. I wasn't worth it.
This changed, though, in 2006 when I found myself finally "fed up" with living in constant anxiety and panic. I had began to see that something was wrong with the way I was perceiving the world, and that something was really off about how I was raised.
This difference was illuminated to me as people in my life at the time were genuinely interested in me, liked me and included me. I found this startling and off-putting. I didn't understand what I was doing to earn that.
I sought out help from a shamanic friend of mine, Robert Woo-Duan. He and I dove into my past and into my emotional world. I quickly found myself immersed in difficult, scary and overwhelming feelings from my childhood. The burning emptiness of neglect, the numbness of isolation, and the aching hunger for real emotional connection where ranging within me.
My journey into my "real self" and into those feelings exploded into a world full of revelation, clarity, and deep insight into the perils and and challenges of the codependent growing into their own resilient, beautiful, powerful self. I learned very quickly that Life worked backwards to what I was taught.
A simple, clear and repeatable set of "laws" began to become clear to me as I made my way out of the maze of codependency and into the world of interdependency, connection, and being myself. These laws became the framework for what I teach my students and clients.
I've been coaching for nine plus years out of Boise, Idaho. I have been trained in:
I currently work with people in grooup course work and in one-on-one settings. I coach in the following topics:
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